I Don't Know What To Say

I want to write so badly.
I truly do.
Yet, I can't seem to get it out
of my broken
and aching
heart.

It comes out
not as
ink;
rather the words roll
down my cheek
as
teardrops;
ruining
my keyboard.

Time has flown on by
yet crawled at the same speed.
One moment she is here;
then I'm left yearning.

Many positive things
came from her leaving:
people I have met,
choices I have made,
journeys I have traveled,
lessons I have unearthed.

Yet, sometimes I ponder:
Does that make it ok?
Does that justify it all?

I. Just. Don't. Know.

I do know that I miss
her
terribly.
Six years
have gone on by
since I last
heard her voice,
saw her face,
felt her warm embrace.

What is there to really say
at this point?
What can possibly be said
that hasn't been said
over six years' time?

All that is left
is the emptiness
in my heart;
a hole
that just can't be filled
with the numerous
namesakes;
for a namesake
is not the same
as the original.

I miss you Pesha.
I wish you could teach
me the Tanya
that I learn with Avi each week.

Like, I know you are there
spiritually,
but that isn't quite
enough
anymore.
I want you back.
I need you back.

There is really nothing more to say;
except
I hope I am making you proud
up there.
Oh!
And, of course,
I love you dearly.

Not Black & White

Written for a close friend of mine - may she see the beauty and strength that is her.

But For Now A Prayer

I sit around the china-covered table surrounded by family and friends,
watching as the candles dance in the holiness around.
We already sung the Song of the Angels,
they have blessed us and flew up home.

Now, I close my eyes and softly sing
a question of three thousand years;
one that changes over time;
every week a new meaning.

It began as just a song;
one that I would sing hungrily.
Then it became a goal,
as I pondered its meaning.

Now, as I question the same as King Shlomo,
it has become a prayer from my soul.
One day I know it will be what it was always meant as:
a song of praise for my missing half.

When will I find the one that the song portrays?
Am I even looking in the right direction?
Will it be a rough road, or one freshly paved?
Who will be my better half; my pearl of an Aishes Chayil?

I think I know what I am looking for,
yet, I pray that I'm correct in what I want.
I whisper that I just want what is the best for me,
as my eyes open and watch the flames carry my prayer within their dance.

I then smile and prepare for Kiddush,
content in my prayer's success.
I soak in all that I am thankful for,
and look forward to a week of beauty.

I know now that I have done all that I can,
it is in the hands of the Holy One.
Yes, for now it is just a prayer,
But I know that one day it will be much more.

The Red Pen Oath

            Throughout my life, I have been the “Class Nerd”, the “Bookworm”, or the horrid “Teacher’s Pet”. Thus I was constantly picked on and bullied. My classmates taunted me for picking up a pen instead of a bat; for reading while they were dribbling. They harassed me for talking about authors while they discussed athletes.

            While they threw me in the figurative (and, on quite a few occasions, literal) mud, I had those who picked me up, cleaned me, and handed me back my dreams: Teachers. For you see, many can “teach”, but it takes a special person to BE a teacher. Someone who will never stop encouraging you; who will keep tabs on your career to date; who look forward to seeing your name in print. Thankfully, I had, and have, many such teachers to this very day.

            In twenty-four days I will leave Oakland Community College with my Associate in Liberal Arts degree and enter the doors of Oakland University’s College of Arts and Science for a Bachelor in English. Yet, I hope to return to OCC as an English Professor armed with an empty notebook and the infamous ‘Red Pen’. But the pen doesn’t have to evil; true teachers use it to write encouraging notes to their students. And that is what my pen will only spell.

            And to those who bully nerds, I have just one thing to say to you: I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you will never have the privilege to fight dragons, to collaborate with aliens, to become Sacagawea; to be the town’s hero. May you one day let someone turn the page of your story together with you.

            The following is my rendition of the “Red Pen Oath” of a teacher:

The Red Pen Oath

May I take a child and turn him into his dream,

Mold him carefully only into the shape that he requests,

Lift him up when others shove him down,

Love him like a son.

I vow to use my pen of red to only spell encouragement,

To write bits of devotion in the margins,

Underline the greatness and circle the potential,

Highlight his passion for the world to see.

May I stay awake at night feeling the pains of my student,

Heal the worries out of his heart,

Cry tears of joy at his success,

Guide him on the path of truth.

I vow to never give up on a difficult pupil,

To patiently repeat lessons as needed,

To grade exams by the student never by the answers,

To give him endless worlds of opportunities.

May I begin every lesson with a smile,

End each with the same,

Compliment each child personally when he enters,

And bid goodbye with words of hope.

I vow to view each pupil like the diamond that he is,

To never allow administration or parents to warp his creativity,

To protect him from the playground bullies,

And help him shine forever more.

May I do more than present lesson plans,

To live a 9-5 job,

To leave my students within the confines of the classroom,

To look at them as paychecks.

I vow to follow the path of my pupil,

Even long after he leaves my care,

For he will remain forever in my roster,

Just like a red pen’s ink is permanently displayed.

My Brother Journeys Forward

Pinchus' Hachnosas Tefillin

           

             The Fall 2014 semester began at Oakland Community College with me taking a class I didn’t plan on: Creative Writing. I had planned to take the class in the upcoming winter, however it was in my shopping cart and I accidentally clicked ‘Register’.

            Someone else also didn’t plan on taking the class, yet did so for the English credits he needed. His name was Brandon Rosenblatt.

            I entered the classroom and saw a familiar face, Brandon looks quite a bit like myself, so I sat down next to him and inquired his name. Upon hearing his last name, I immediately asked if he was Jewish. He hesitantly responded yes, but was quick to inform me that he is not religious in any sense of the word – nor does he plan on being. I let the topic drop for the time being.

            As the semester was nearing its end, I asked Brandon if he would like to join my family for a Shabbos meal. He said no thanks and that he hasn’t been religious since he was twelve years old. That won’t change. Once again I dropped the subject for next while.

            Brandon and I quickly became close friends. We would hang out a bit when possible and, at the time, planned on transferring to the same college together. Mid-August I asked Brandon to show me around Oakland University and he agreed. While waiting for the bus to arrive, I asked him if he would like to join me at my brother Red’s home for the upcoming Friday night Shabbos meal. He somewhat reluctantly agreed.

            As the special meal grew closer, Brandon became slightly more excited and even began to anticipate the occasion. He asked what should he expect and I explained the basic schedule of events. He joined me for the Shabbos day services at the Woodward Avenue Shul and then we parted ways. That Shabbos was unbelievable and it was the beginning of a new Brandon.

            Shortly after Brandon began wearing a Yarmulka at One Stop, where he works as a cashier. Sukkos came around and Brandon and his uncle, Louis, was invited to my sister’s house for one of the Yom Tov meals. Brandon called me in advanced and asked me to bring him something for the meal: a pair of Tzitzis so he can start wearing them.

            And now, about a month later, he has been keeping Shabbos frequently with the amazing guidance of the Kogan family, who have taken him in like a son, and he asked me Shabbos morning to help him put on Tefillin later on in the week for his very first time.

            This morning, the 30^th of Marcheshvan, 5776, Brandon, now known as Pinchus, woke up early and together we learned the laws of Tefillin. Afterwards the moment arrived. We began with reciting the day’s Hayom Yom and then as the niggun of the Bar Mitzvah Maamer flowed throughout the room, Brandon/Pinchus donned Tefillin for his first time. Reciting vital prayers together with him, word by word, brought tears to my eyes. I watched in admiration as he silently spoke with Hashem. Once completed with his prayers the room burst with the song Siman Tov U’Mazel Tov blasting through the speakers as we took off the Tefillin and wrapped them up; my soul was bursting with joy for my brother.

            My dear Pinchus, may you only grow from this moment on as you embark further on your journey of spirituality. Know that I am always with you and will never leave your side. May today be the first of many and just one of the many firsts you will take into your soul. May these straps be your rope to pull you closer to G-d, one mitzvah at a time.

To The One Who Made Me An Uncle

Dedicated in honor of the Bas Mitzvah of my dear niece Devorah Sarah Kriegsman

Twelve years ago,

you entered this world,

and changed

Everything!

You turned a Bride & Groom

into Mommy & Tatty;

A couple

into a family;

Proud Parents

into prouder Grandparents;

Brothers and Sisters

into eager Uncles and Aunts.

You touched lives

With your

Itty fingers

and huge

heart.

You grew from a baby

to a child

to a girl

and now

into a

proud

young

woman.

You have grown in ways

that have made everyone

near you glow with pride.

You are a

True

Bas Melech:

the King’s

beloved daughter;

on her pathway

to becoming the next Queen.

I don’t say it often,

Perhaps not even show it enough,

But I love you dearly,

My dear Devorah Sarah.

May you always

continue to be

True to yourself

and show the world

the power of a Princess.

I hope this special day

Brings you a step closer

to changing the world;

one beloved smile,

one heart filled hug,

at a time.

Keep growing,

Keep yearning,

Keep proving,

Keep bringing pride

the world that you changed

Twelve years ago.

First Step to Analyze a Poem

First, look at the form;

How many stanzas?

How many lines in each one?

Any noticeable rhyme scheme?

Is it a Ballad type,

that is common so,

by making every other line rhyme like

the end of two lines ago?

[Who caught the internal rhyme?]

notice any grammar oddities

perhaps no punctuation

or long run on sentences

without any capitalization

Look for

any

sort

of weird

Enjambment

in the

stanza.

It happens often when the poet

decides to personify

an inanimate

object

to help you understand

the poem’s thoughts.

Also, what persona is the poet?

Am I me? Or am I someone else?

And who is you?

Is you you, or is you the human nearby?

Be wary of caesuras. They make you stop and think.

Look for clichés like ‘Love is a flower’.

Wait a minute, did you just read a metaphor or a simile?

It’s funny when when you see repetition.

Yet know it it is on purpose.

It stresses the diction the poet meant.

Don’t you you just just love love this this so so much much?

[did you catch the irony involved?]

Understand the difference between

‘denotation’and ‘connotation’.

Denotation, society teaches us, is the literal definition;

Connotation, Webster explains, is the secondary meaning the word can refer to.

Alliteration is quite important.

Common consonance

or annoying assonance

is there to purposely set the tone.

Now, you see how to do step one.

Yet, the analyzation had just begun.

Good luck on the rest;

I now bid you adieu.

But before I leave,

I’ll give directions for the rest:

Solve the message of the poem’s purpose.

And don’t forget: which school does this poem belong to and why?

Shit List

[Dedicated to Ryan Dillaha and his unique teaching methods]

The fear.

The embarrassment.

The humility.

The shame.

The permanent name

engraved

in the board’s corner

lingering;

leering down

for all to know

as you crouch low;

praying

for Korach’s Hole.

The incriminating letter

burns

in your backpack

as you walk home

head hung in despair

with the ring of the

Kindergartens’ bell.

The discipline

shows the next day

with the fidgeting

of your buttocks

as you try to sit

still;

quiet,

alone.

A teacher’s pet.

A name erased.

You Can Trust Me

For some unknown reason we do not trust.

We would never divulge a precious secret.

People don’t connect enough to those they love.

Reactions make us so scared.

Our biggest fear is being emotionally hurt.

We would prefer death than think that people truly care.

Why won’t people care?

What will it take for us to again trust?

What is so painful about being hurt?

What can be so terrible that we must keep it a secret?

What is it that makes us so scared?

Why won’t we open up to those we love?

People are here because of love.

People are here because they care.

There is no reason to be so scared.

It is ok to trust.

It isn’t worth the stress to keep a secret.

Someone always ends up getting hurt.

Is it worth it to personally hurt?

Are you so alone that you can’t love?

Won’t you share your darkest secret?

Why do you think others will not care?

What is the worst that can happen if you trust?

Why does the potential reveal make you even more scared?

Pain of their shock makes you scared.

The fear of rejection makes you cringe with hurt.

Past experience warns you to never more trust.

You have yet to taste the sweetness of true love.

You assume that nobody will ever truly care.

To the grave you feel you must go with this despicable secret.

But how do you know it is even still a secret?

Who told you that there is any reason to be scared?

What makes you so insecure to think that I won’t care?

When were you so irreversibly hurt?

Who do you think could show more love?

Will you please give me the chance to earn your trust?

Deep inside is a secret that makes you worried someone will end up making you hurt.

People are so scared to ever open up to people who show them constant love.

We know people care but apparently not enough to earn this highest level of trust.

One Can Always Change A GPS

I have often wondered in my mind if it would be worthwhile.
I often contemplate if I made the right decision.
I sometimes wonder what the other outcome may have been.
I tend to think if it needs a regret.

Should I have gone down this path?
Should I have traveled that road?
Should I have rushed my destination?
Should I have waited just a bit more?

People often think in the past,
deciding if it should be redone.
People often worry about the future,
Will the consequences be worth it all?

We must believe in ourselves,
if we ever want to succeed.
We must have faith in our guts,
if we truly wish to travel the map of Life.

Nothing can change the past,
But we can still make a better tomorrow.
Nothing can take back the way we journeyed,
But we can still reroute our guide.

Life

Trapped

Umbilical

Breathe

Diapers

Crawl

Speak

Run

Needy

Grow

Learn

Choices

Decide

School

Diploma

Job

Career

Dating

Proposal

Marriage

Children

Parent

Retire

Hospital

Beep

Shovel

Earth

Heaven

Repeat

What Am I NOT?

Science gave up hope long ago.
The doctors said there will be no twin.
My parents prayed and hoped.
G-d proved he runs the world.
A 2.1 pound child entered this world.
I am... a MIRACLE

My dad was never there for me.
Seemed to despise his children.
Memories of unpleasantries remain.
Siblings stuck together.
Proved we don't need him in our lives.
I am... STRONG

Raised by a single mom.
She saw me through my education to date.
Created an immense family for myself.
Have siblings who would do anything in a heartbeat for me.
Never truly alone.
I am... LOVED

At fifteen my life shattered.
A dear sister passed away.
Time has gone on by.
I will never forget.
I have remained true to myself.
I am... a SURVIVOR.

Was going to attempt.
Realized I have much to still live for.
Got on the subway instead of the tracks.
Rode the train of life instead of getting off.
Decided to always keep my ticket on hand.
I am... BRAVE

Named for King David.
Orthodox is how I was raised.
Shabbat is so special to me.
Israel is my home country.
Proudly show my religion on college campus.
I am... a JEW

Books have always engulfed me.
Words become my voice.
Stories become alive in my mind.
Thoughts take on creation via pen.
Ink on paper is my bloodline.
I am... a WRITER

I once thought I was going to be different.
Used to see a different future.
Realize now that the above defines who I am.
People's expectations aren't what makes me me.
I forever choose my own pathway.
I am... DOVID

The Night Grows Younger As It Ends

The hour chimes once more on my wristwatch,
as the sky blackens before my eyes.
Laying in bed thoughts flood my mind,
as a tear or two rolls down my cheek.

Memories begin to fill the void,
no matter how hard I try to repress them.
Her laughter echoes in the night's deathly silence;
her smile shines like the incoming dawn.

"Dovid, my brother" her voice does sigh,
as she stretches out her hand to me.
"Let me take you back one more time,
put away your clock and recall our adventures."

Together we fight the time stream,
we end up in November of 2009.
I look up the women's balcony once again,
as she keeps encouraging me to dance my heart away.

"Have me in mind when you dance with this Torah,
as the Holtzbergs were so dear to me.
Have me in mind for you can do what I am not able,
when you dance for me I will always be with you my dear brother."

I want to keep dancing for my sister,
for then the daybreak can't come.
I need to keep dancing for my sister,
for then the daybreak doesn't come.

I will keep dancing for my sister,
for then the daybreak won't ever come.
I'll never stop dancing for my sister,
for the daybreak mustn't ever come.

A Tribute To Tzofim-Israeli Scouts

Less than twelve hours,
that's how long I have known you all.
Yet you impacted me in ways,
I had not expected.

I watched as you painted and laughed,
We chatted while munching on pizza.
We conversed deeply before you were dropped off,
I joined you in song and dance.

You guys brought a new life,
to the meaning of Israeli Culture for me.
You reminded me of the beauty in the land,
Erasing much of the evil within.

You glowed in pride for our land,
Your energy brightened my week.
Thank you for a last-minute stop,
A stop that helped a random Jew be happy.

Just Breathe

I empty my chest; I have had all that I can take,

I whisper my goodbye with the last in my lungs.

I stand so still; not even a flinch,

I force myself to remain calm.

All I need is to just stay still; to keep my mouth shut tight,

All I need is for it to be over already.

All I need is to slip away; force my body to sleep,

All I need is to let my soul be released.

There is nothing left; I convince myself,

There is no way to change now.

There is nobody to cry for; I am so alone,

There is no reason to stay.

My chest starts burning; eyes water too,

My lungs are screaming in despair.

My heart tries to pump; its oxygen is low,

My brain begins to shut down.

Suddenly I feel the sunrise; hear the birds on my window,

Suddenly I hear the phone; people at the door.

Suddenly I smell the fresh air; find a dollar on the ground,

Suddenly I realize I have much to be thankful for.

I take a deep breath; my brain rushes to life,

I take a look at this new world I’ve found.

I take a glimpse at my mom; her arms outstretched to me,

I take a step with the new me.

Life is what I make it to be; I must see the good,

Life is what I do with the cards that I’ve been dealt.

Life is what I hold dear; what I used to take for granted,

Life is what I accomplish with one breath at a time.

Sunrise Over Oak Park, MI (Wednesday, June 17, 2015)

Today's cloudy sunrise teaches us that NOTHING is unworthy of G-d's Love

Oakland University Application Essay

            “Unless you turn the handle, the door will forever remain a wall.” ~Dovid N. Roetter       

For as long as I can recall, I have been drawn to the power of words; both the written and spoken. They can make you cry, laugh, sigh, smile, love, and hate simply based on how the writer/speaker sends it across and how the other end perceives it.

            The foundation of my love for words is due to the fact that they have the ability to create a bond between oneself and another without the necessity of physically knowing one another. Pen Pals, for example, have been creating friendships for decades with the two people never once meeting; yet, they can become the closest of friends simply through the usage of words.

            Both writing and speaking has helped me forge connections with people I would otherwise never considered conversing with. It has helped me become active within my community and my college, which in turn has made me who I am today.

            Being shy about my first semester in a college classroom back in 2013, I was hesitant to become involved with any student clubs on campus. However, I decided to reach out to the Jewish Student Organization of Oakland Community College, a branch of Hillel of Metro Detroit, and that ‘Hello’ drew me down a path that has forever changed my life.

            I found myself being reeled into Student Life on campus, and ended up becoming the new President of the club this past August. Since then, I have made connections with people that I never thought I would meet. For example, OCC had asked me to represent them in the beginning of May 2015 as their school mascot during Detroit’s College Signing Day; thus I was able to meet First Lady Michelle Obama.

            Communicating with others has helped give me the strength to arrange large events at OCC. For example, I arranged an Anti-Bullying Dance Day in November 2014 where thirty students and faculty members joined together on the dance floor to turn the beat around on bullying. I also put together a Multi-Faith Panel in February 2015 where we had representatives of six popular faiths [Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Atheism, Buddhism, and Hinduism] discussing their choice of faith and how we, as a college and a community, can help create a more loving world. Student Life has helped further a passion within myself that I have not been able to quench: a desire to be even more open and ‘people-friendly’. A desire to reach out and make my own connections.

            Speaking, I realized, has a source of magic behind it. As Professor Albus Dumbledore once said, “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it” (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows). I recall back to June 2010, as I stood in front of the podium delivering my high school Valedictorian speech. I remember speaking about the many ups and downs one goes through while in their journey of education. I was able to witness people in the audiences’ eyes glaze over as my discussion brought them back in time to when they attended school. I discovered then how the energy, tone, and stressing of the right wording can twist a sentence into countless meanings.

            Writing helps me express my thoughts and share them with the world. Whether it may be a poem regarding thoughts about my first day in college, published on the OCC Spirit Blog, or sharing the moment of when I visited my brother’s grave for the first time, published in the N’shei Chabad Worldwide Newsletter. Writing is an outlet of my thoughts, emotions, and various lessons that I have learned and someone, at any time across the globe, can read it and connect with me. Chances are that I won’t even be aware of it; yet, the connection will still be established.

            Each and every person we meet or connect with in our lifetime is valuable. As The Doctor once said: “In 900 years of time and space I’ve never met someone who wasn’t important” (Doctor Who, Season Six). Every single person in this world leaves a legacy behind; however, it is their choice if it will be a legacy worthy of remembrance.

Permit me to share the following poem I had written back in January, entitled “Empty Chairs”:

Gathered together they wait patiently, not a soul lingers nearby.

They wait without moving an inch, unknowing who will be their future.

Seventeen of them are around, waiting for the room to fill up.

Slowly one by one receives a soul, it sits empty no more.

It has a gift of life, for just an hour or three.

It hears the crying and the laughter of whomever sits upon thee.

It learns a story of someone so special, it is now content.

It becomes a reflection of the person, it is their spot in the room.

Suddenly, without warning, the human rises tall and proud.

Swiftly walks away and out the door, never to be seen again.

It waits so anxiously, for another to fill the void.

Will another come, who may ever know?

We are all in this world, for but a fleeting moment.

Our stories are told loudly, and we laugh all together.

Yet a time does come when we get up, we leave the room without a warning.

Just one question does remain, that we must ask ourselves:

Will I remain an empty chair, for I am leaving a legacy?

Or will I remain an empty chair, for I am no one worth remembering?

            Why is a legacy so important? Why should we care what people think of us once we are dead? The answer is simple. It is not about what people think about what you did with your life; rather it is about what we have passed on to the next generation. As I would sometimes tell people, “You can only inspire within others what others have previously inspired within you”. Each connection that we make on this earth leaves an impact on the other person; positive or negative. Words are the numerous roads we take to the person next door. It is up to us to be careful to only write or speak positive things about our fellows as the next generation is constantly looking out to see who to copy and admire. We need to bear in mind that a single word can kill a friendship or spark true love.

            This is why I have always been engrossed with words; I, as the speaker or writer, have the power to turn some random combinations of letters into a work of beauty or destruction. I can take peoples’ emotions and reshape them to my desires; bringing them to tears or make them clutch their ribs in laughter. I can touch the essence of their very being.

            However, this can only be done once the connection has already been made. Until I utter one specific word, my magic can achieve no results. Unless I make the first move, the rest of the world will be like frozen statues to me, unable to connect and communicate with. I must reach out and create my own legacy. I must do all that I can do to use language to help the world; to bring love and harmony to those around me and across the globe. No one will make the connections for me; I must be the first one to extend my hand and say “Hello”.

Initiation

"Unless you turn the handle, the door will forever remain a wall." ~Dovid Nissan Roetter

A Year for Pesha Leah

            When I was just fifteen years young, my world was shattered by the weight of a truck. I had lost my beloved sister, Pesha Leah who was only twenty-three at the time, in a road accident as she was returning home from dancing at her friend’s wedding. I was broken inside, yet tried to not let it show.

            The pain and darkness consumed me. I don’t know why I kept it to myself; maybe I was scared, alone, helpless, or just stupid. I started turning down all of my hobbies. I rarely cracked open a book; didn’t pick up a pen to write often. When I did, it was all about death and evil and endless pain.

            I soon found myself not being observant in majority of Judaism’s ways. Some out in the open, but most I kept hidden to myself; not wanting to have to explain a feeling to those too coarse to want to even attempt to understand what I was going through.

            One thing I stopped doing almost immediately was Shabbos. It just seemed like too pure of a day for a world that can harvest such destruction. So I obliterated it from my week. I would put on a great performance for those nearby; but once they left it would be computer on and headphones in. When I was in Yeshiva, it was not easy to break Shabbos; thus I felt compelled to do so even more. I relished the feeling of shoving the middle finger in G-d’s face. Yet, it was a secret I was prepared to take to the grave.

            Then, my life turned around, again, one year ago. After months of trying to convince me, Hillel of Metro Detroit had gotten me onboard a Birthright trip to Israel with forty other Jewish college students – most of whom were not orthodox. These students did something I was scared to let others before them do: accept me for who I currently was.

            Within the first seventy-two hours, they had me opening up my soul to them, and they opened up in return. We shared a connection that was held up by Band-Aids; therefore it was stronger even than chains. They helped me shed my actor’s masks and shined the spotlight on my true self.

            Towards the end of the week, we had reached a level of family and soon it was time for Shabbos in Jerusalem. Watching many of them take on one way or another to honor the Shabbos Queen in a way they would not do back in America made me take on one last complete Shabbos, the way I grew up observing it.

I did it for my sister Pesha, who worked so diligently in her life and in her death to teach me to be true to what I feel. I did it for Pesha who gave me memories of gleaming Shabbos candlesticks, and a pearly white table surrounded by friends, relatives, and random guests.

            I took in that Shabbos in Jerusalem and I inhaled it together with my new family. And I am proud to announce that this Shabbos will mark one complete year without me exhaling.

            I could only have done this with the support of a group of people who probably do not even realize how much they effected my life with their remarks, compassion, showering of comfort, advice when needed, and most of all their energy that I fed off of while in Israel with them.

            Thank you Bus 1147 for helping me give a year to my dear sister Pesha Leah, and more importantly for helping me give a year to my true self.

            May the Shabbos Queen accompany the soul of Pesha Leah bas Chaim Leibel to G-d’s Heavenly Throne.

I Am OCC

[Published by the Oakland Community College Blog, May 5, 2015: https://oaklandcc.wordpress.com/2015/05/05/i-am-occ/]

            On Friday, May 01, 2015, I was OCC. Not just as a student, but as a student leader. As a representation of everything my school stands for. I was Rudy the Raider.

            Not too long after I joined Oakland Community College, I became involved with Hillel of Metro Detroit. During the past few years, I have become more and more involved with Student Life on OCC campuses and within a year I found myself becoming the new president of the Jewish Student Organization on campus (a branch of HMD).

            Although I had my hands filled with classes, I did my best to bring a new vibe to the organization and to Student Life in general. I found myself planning events like the Anti-Bullying Dance Day in November, and a Multi-Faith Panel in February. I gathered contacts with various professors, faculty members, students, and people from the community. I was working towards creating a legacy to leave behind when I must say goodbye to OCC’s doors this coming December.

            I had never expected it all to pay off so soon. Thursday afternoon, I was walking past Dean Hawkins’ office and he stopped me to chat for a bit. As he used to be the Student Life Coordinator at the Orchard Ridge campus, he knew me by now and I had kept up the relationship even after he switched positions.

            After asking how my classes went, he asked if I would like to the school a favor and be the mascot the following morning at a pep rally for high school students deciding on their colleges; a Detroit Signing Day. He informed me that the event will be honored with a guest appearance by First Lady Michelle Obama. Naturally, I accepted this immense honor and once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. It was the most memorable day of my college experience to date.

            Student Life on campus is a thriving program, full of huge opportunities. Whether it be student clubs where you meet your new best friend, or a chance to star in your school’s new commercial, or bringing a difference to the students you pass in the hallway. It helps you learn how to become a leader in a world filled with followers. It provides ways to help you relax from classroom pressures, and shows you that you do not always have to come to school just to listen to lectures.

            The more involved you become, the more chances you will receive to give back to your school; to show your love and support of a college that goes out of its way to make you feel special on a daily basis. On Friday I was OCC; tomorrow it could be you.

Peace Only Starts With You - MSU Personal Statement

TOPIC: Describe a significant event from the past two years which required you to interact with someone outside your own social or cultural group (ethnic, religious, geographic, socio-economic, etc.). How did this impact you? What did you learn and what surprised you? [400 word max.]

College life has is not easy for many people; being a religious Jew makes the task even harder. Can’t eat from the cafeteria. Need permission to miss an exam for Passover. Can’t even study properly on weekends due to the Sabbath. In November 2014 – February 2015, however, I had a most difficult, yet amazing, life changing experience.

            As president of the Jewish Student Organization at OCC, Michigan, I realized that with all the hate going on in the world, we must begin working properly towards cooperation world-wide. Diligently, I began putting together a Multi-Faith Panel event to help spread awareness and love throughout my college grounds.

            Preparations slowly began to gather our esteemed panelists. Deciding upfront that there will be a representative of six major faiths (Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Atheism, & Hinduism), I knew it would take time to confirm the various speakers.

            Two months passed by, and still things had to be done. Fliers distributed, brochure made, forms filled out. Soon the day had arrived. On February 12, 2015, forty people including the Campus President and Vice Chancellor of Student Affairs, gathered into a study hall to change the world for the better.

            The event was a grand success and I, personally, gained as much from the preparations as I did from the event itself. I realized just how far one must go to make sure not to say or do something that could potentially offend someone from a different background. I understand better now that just because you do not agree with someone else’s way of thinking, it does not necessarily make them wrong; it just means you are both at a body of water and are crossing it via your own unique pathway.

            Throughout the event, I gained a deeper insight as to what each of these many belief systems actually believe; as opposed to what I had previously assumed. I was surprised to learn, for example, that my concept of Atheism was false.

            This event, the planning and the attending, is without a doubt one of the highlights of my life. I felt like this is what college is about: learning to not be shy about something you are passionate about, and to work towards a goal. To appreciate your classmates for who they are, not what they believe in. To try and make a difference.

High School Musical 3: Senior (Modern Dance Essay)

            One of the most common musicals produced by the Disney Channel is the High School Musical series. Known for their beautiful way of intertwining a story with modern dance, HSM brought enchantment to many children, teenagers, and yes, even adults worldwide. Each song brings with it a force of beauty, awe, affection, and class. The use of many various dance techniques are portrayed throughout each of the three films; however I found Senior Year to be the most passionate and enthralling to watch.

            The first song of the film, “Now Or Never” is a perfect example of the power that dance can have to portray emotions, feelings, and thoughts. The scene is a basketball game, where the stakes are high. The actors are dressed in the team jerseys. The dance is very fast-paced using double time for their actions; most of which are locomotor. Due to being a basketball game, there are lots of various pathways being used with all possible levels. During a foul play, the dancer collapses suddenly to the ground; during a jump shot, the actor sustains in the air.

            By contrast, the song entitled “Can You Imagine?” is the complete opposite; yet shows the power of non-locomotor dance techniques. It is a very slow, half-time dance and is mostly non-locomotor; yet that is the beauty of it – there is so much told in the lack of movement! The two dancers switch from middle to high levels and contract inwards toward each other while towards their own body. There is also a sudden grab of the female dancer which proceeds to open up the dance to movement pathways.

            Another similar dance is entitled “Can I Have This Dance?” It, too, is a slow waltz (literally). As waltzes tend to be, this dance is done in half-time movements with slow steps throughout the stage. Both actors keep eye contact and mirror each other’s actions. The female is sustained in her fall by the male dancer as well as being suddenly tossed into the air halfway through the song. Towards the end, the female does a sustained pekay followed by twists mid-air. With twists and Shawshays, this dance, as well as the one prior mentioned, shows the art involved with ‘Show Don’t Tell’ that is the true power of dance.

            Throughout the above three songs, one can grasp the story within the story that is told via elegant dance. A song is pretty; dance makes it a wonder to watch. The art of the body expressed to the audience is what makes or breaks a musical. The gasp as the dancer sustains in pekay. The gaping mouths when he/she twirls through the levels. The suspense of watching a double-time leap. The beautiful difference in melt and rise. This is art. This is dance. This is beauty.

A Lion Stands Watch

Many say that nightmares
are nothing more than a dream.
They claim that there
is no meaning to be found.

Many accuse us of overthinking
the thoughts that arrive in the night.
They laugh at our fears
saying the monsters are in our head.

They will never know
the terror that we see.
They will never watch
our lives fall to hell.

I used to be afraid,
now I am no more.
For I have a Guardian Angel
ready to attack intruding dreams.

She stands tall and proud
waiting by my side.
She doesn't close her eyes
unless mine are wide open.

She will hug me when I'm scared;
caress me when I'm worried.
She will always be my friend
forever and ever.

My Nala shoos away the nasty thoughts
that try to take advantage of my fears.
My Nala will watch over me with love.
My Nala helps me find sleep at last.

And if anyone still will claim
that there is not a thing to worry for;
I tell them they are right,
For my Nala keeps them at bay.

Clock Control

The clock stands still for just a moment,
the world comes to a pause.
The silence is so peaceful,
We wish it would last forever.

But after just a moment,
the clock ticks yet once more.
The hands continue their journey,
the moment is now gone,

We live each day with our clock,
we decide how fast it goes.
We can change our world,
before the minute hand moves if we try.

We can take the needed time,
to appreciate each second as it does pass us.
Or, we can let it all rush on by,
and wallow in the chances that we gave up.

Ever-flowing Honey

The stifling heat surrounds us,
secretly cooking the egg and tuna salads.
A child's shriek of glee
ripples within the empty air.

The Sabbatical peace twinkles
its soft serenity upon the world.
The earth laughs in uncontrolled giddiness
as we roll in its green blanket.

Life quickly tumbles upside down.
The heaven is shredded by man-made clouds forced to hurtle towards the innocent below.
The child's shrieks take on a different tune
as it is drowned out by the wailing siren of death.

The land flows with the stickiness of blood instead of honey,
as together we listen in sheer horror.
Sitting ducks in an open field;
the table is our only hope.

The child softly whimpers
as we realize it is now our last.
I say goodbye to a mother across the ocean
and tremble at the thought of owning up to my sins.

Suddenly, a calming breeze takes to the daylight
and swiftly covers me in its fuzzy robe.
I feel a presence unseen by the naked eye,
as I hear a voice that is not there.

"I'm here. It will all be ok."
the ghost softly whispers into my ear.
I rise, proud of a heritage that no war can defeat
I rise together with my dearly missed sister.

Empty Chairs

Gathered together they wait patiently,
not a soul lingers nearby.
They wait without moving an inch,
unknowing who will be their future.

Seventeen of them are around,
waiting for the room to fill up.
Slowly one by one receives a soul,
it sits empty no more.

It has a gift of life,
for just an hour or three.
It hears the crying and the laughter
of whomever sits upon thee.

It learns a story of someone so special,
it is now content.
It becomes a reflection of the person,
it is their spot in the room.

Suddenly, without warning,
the human rises tall and proud.
Swiftly walks away and out the door,
never to be seen again.

It waits so anxiously,
for another to fill the void.
Will another come,
who may ever know?

We are all in this world,
for but a fleeting moment.
Our stories are told loudly,
and we laugh all together.

Yet a time does come when we get up,
we leave the room without a warning.
Just one question does remain,
that we must ask ourselves:

Will I remain an empty chair,
for I am leaving a legacy?
Or will I remain an empty chair,
for I am no one worth remembering?

It's More Than Just A Word

I've never come across a word quite like this one,
never thought I would have trouble speaking.
Yet, here I am, my mouth open wide,
but no sound escapes my lips.

Who could have foretold that it would end in this manner?
Who would have predicted this demise?
Was I blind and refused to see the signs around me?
I search for a different solution.

But NO!
This seems to be the truth.
There just is no changing life's direction.
What's over is simply over.
I must somehow move on.

It's time to say the word that I dread,
I can no longer pretend that this isn't the case.
My life is crashing down all around,
there is nothing left in my power to try.

So, I now say Goodbye.
It comes out choked and with tears,
If only there was a way to take it back.
I stretch my hand out - but it's gone.

I had no choice.
I was forced to say it against my will.
If only you would say "Nevermind",
and heal the pain.

I know you don't mean to make me feel this way,
You simply had no other option to choose.
I forgive you wholeheartedly.
I pray that you can move on easier than me.

It was perfect while it lasted,
Let us just stick with that fact.
Neither of us thought that we would say such a cruel word.
But it is time to say Goodbye,

Goodbye to what once was.
Goodbye to what we tried.
Goodbye to who we were.

Hello to what what we learned.
Hello to who we became.
Hello to what will be.

Goodbye to the duo you and me.
Goodbye, my friend.

I Wish

I wish I could just understand,
what is going on between the lines.
Where did things change?
Oh, what will be?

I wish that I had a better connection,
it seems so broken lately.
How did this happen?
Oh, what can I do?

I wish that things would not be so difficult,
when love is in the air.
What does it all mean?
Oh, why did this all happen?

I wish life would just work itself out,
and make things smooth once more.
When will it be like it was?
Oh, how can it be fixed right?

An Angel Flies Home

I don't know how, why, or when,

it just somehow seemed to happen.

My angel spread her wings and soared.

I don't understand it,

perhaps I never will.

She is where she belongs.

Oh Angel, if you can hear my voice,

listen closely, I do beg.

Understand that I know that you are home.

I wish you would return,

but I would never force you to stay in this world.

You deserve the life of perfection.

As long as you can smile each and every day,

then you will still be an angel.

And I will be comforted with that promise.

While I do wish things could change,

and perhaps they still will.

But it seems you have gone on.

Oh Angel, if you can hear me now,

know that I just want the best for you.

An angel deserves to be happy, no matter what.

I will give up everything,

to help you soar your own way happily.

Just know, you can always return to this world.

Oh Angel, spread those wings of white,

take all that life has to offer.

Perhaps, you will let me fly by your side.

I know things are rough,

I wish I had wings of my own.

Perhaps one day you will return.

I just ask one thing of my Angel,

I beg you to fulfill this request:

Watch me from above - do not remove yourself from me completely.

Let us remain close,

regardless that you are not the same now.

Watch over me - as a friend - and no more.

Angel, please return,

show me a sign.

Help me get a pair of wings to call my own.

So Long Now

Sitting on my Grandmother's couch,
wishing I could remember her.
Thinking of the the family moments that I never knew.

Dreaming of what my life could have been like,
with my brother chilling together with me.
Thinking of the family moments that could have been.

Remembering the day I heard the news,
five painful years ago when I lost my sister.
Thinking of the family moments that had to change.

It has been so long now,
when will the darkness end?
It shouldn't have to be this way for real.

It has been so long now,
what will be?
How can I keep up like this?

It has been so long now,
oh when will you all return?
I miss you more than ever on this night.

It has been so long now...

It's 3AM

It's 3AM and my mind is racing,
I can't sleep even if I tried.
Thoughts flood my brain,
Confusion sets upon me.

I'm scared of what will be,
Yet glad for what was.
I open up my mind,
And this is what spills out:

Will I ever see her again?
Will her smile light up my world once more?
What is going on in my life to date?
Where is this all heading?

Five years is so long,
The circle of life is completed.
A baby so very small,
Will grow to be a huge impact on the world.

I stepped my toes in the water this past May,
No I will never regret it.
But what is going to occur now,
Who can possibly know?

Friends are the only thing keeping me going,
They are my lifeline.
They will always be there by my side,
No matter what or when or why.

I'm nervous for the school year,
This semester is so crucial.
I must get into my dream school,
And leave a legacy behind.

It's 3AM and I'm wide awake,
I gotta sleep sometime soon.
I know everything will work itself out,
So I must stop freaking out.

It's 3AM and my mind is calming down,
I have faith and that is enough right now.
Tomorrow is a new day with new revelations,
I have done all that I can do.